


Queen & Lance VS The Smoak Women

by AlexiaBlackbriar13



Category: Arrow (TV 2012)
Genre: ... it's crack, Also Donna Smoak, Also it has cute Olicity, And it has Oliver and Lance talking about STUFF, Attempt at Humor, Awkward car journeys, Cooking, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Humor, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I don't know why I wrote this, I love Donna Smoak, I needed a little Lance and I wrote this, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, Like the wedding, So yes Olicity, Wedding Planning, Well - Freeform, and stuff, and the island, kind of?, olicity - Freeform, smoaknlance - Freeform, this is sort of crack, why did I write this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-18
Updated: 2016-02-18
Packaged: 2018-05-21 12:33:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6051724
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlexiaBlackbriar13/pseuds/AlexiaBlackbriar13
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><b>Including:</b><br/>- wedding planning with the one and only Donna Smoak<br/>- a police captain and a vigilante on a car journey<br/>- conversations between said vigilante and said captain<br/>- discussions about the inevitability of said vigilante becoming said captain's son-in-law<br/>- Felicity being the boss<br/>- Curtis being mortified<br/>- a green bow tie</p>
            </blockquote>





	Queen & Lance VS The Smoak Women

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry. I'm so, so sorry.
> 
> Why did I write this.
> 
> Oh yes, because I needed to sin.

"Oliver, you can _never_ have enough flowers at your wedding!" was the shriek Lance heard just as he approached Oliver and Felicity's Loft's front door. He paused, frowning, recognising the voice was Donna's, and there was a faint murmur in reply to that that he couldn't make out before Donna cried out again, "Seventy five guests _is_ small, Oliver! And what do you mean _no caterers_? My baby's and your wedding is _NOT_ some cheap event!"

Lance couldn't help but chuckle. He knocked on the door, expecting it to be opened by either Donna or Oliver, but then there was a call that it was open and to come in, so he let himself into the Loft, closing the door softly behind him. He was planning on asking Donna out to dinner, but by the looks of it, his girlfriend was tied up in wedding planning with her future son-in-law. There were colour palette books with flower bouquet samples covering the dining table, where Oliver was seated, looking like he would much rather be facing down an army of Darhk's Ghosts than endure another hour of whatever Donna was putting him through.

"Quentin!" Donna greeted him delightedly, turning around to plaster a kiss to his lips which he gladly returned, raising his eyebrows at Oliver, who was grimacing at Donna's back. "You're just in time! You need to help me convince Oliver that this creme would be more stylish than white for the flower bouquet bows. And he keeps _insisting_ on white roses even though I've insisted to him that lilies would much better compliment the creme."

"Right," Lance nodded, pretending that he understood when really he was even more confused. "Wedding planning?"

"Yep," Oliver nodded, smiling, although it was obviously fake because his eyes were screaming, _Save me!_. "Felicity and I discussed it and said we wanted a small ceremony, with only close friends and family, no caterers or -"

"And I've been trying to tell them that's _ridiculous_!" Donna piped up, draping one of her arms around Lance's neck, which prompted a smile from him. "This is going to be the wedding of the century! The future king and queen of Star City are getting married, it's going to be the top national news and magazine cover story for at least a two months!"

"Where's Felicity?" The bride deserved an opinion, of course. And seeing how Oliver seemed moments away from banging his head on the table hard enough to knock himself out, he figured that Felicity was of the same opinion of Oliver, wanting something small and secure.

"She's at work," Oliver responded. "But she offered me up for helping Donna with the planning." Something they had not debated on, judging by Oliver's half terrified, half resigned expression.

"Maybe Oliver has a point," Lance replied weakly, shooting Oliver a look. Behind Donna's back, the archer was nodding vigorously in agreement. "I mean, in my professional opinion as a police captain... with HIVE and Darhk out there, it would be much safer to manage a small guest list -"

"This is my baby's _wedding_ , we are going to make it fabulous," Donna protested. "We can hire extra security, Oliver's lovely friend Mr Diggle could arrange something for a large location, I'm sure." She turned back to Oliver, who was still sitting stiffly at the table like a deer in the headlights. "Speaking of location, there is this beautiful stately manor just outside of Star City we could easily hire out -"

"Donna," Lance interrupted. "I'm actually going to need to take Oliver away, if you don't mind." He saw Oliver straighten and mouth at him, _Oh my god, thank you_. He had to take pity on the kid. He knew that Donna could get a little over enthusiastic and controlling sometimes, and Oliver needed a break. He continued, with Oliver gazing at him intently as if he was some gift from God, "As the mayor of Star City, he needs extra security for an SCPD event coming up. And the chief and I need to talk to him about that."

"Oh!" Donna looked surprised. "Of course! Maybe when you're out you could have a look around some shops for Oliver's bowtie?" She scrambled for a couple of colour sample slips. "Oliver and Felicity want a white and green theme, we're still in the process of debating that, but maybe you could look out for a bow tie any of these shades of green? Or black. Either really. Just maybe ask to try them out for a couple of days. It has to be stylish and there are measurements written on the back that -"

"Sure, Donna," Oliver agreed quickly, standing hurriedly and pressing a swift kiss to his future mother-in-law's cheek before grabbing his leather jacket and making a break for the door. "We'll do that."

Lance inclined his head as the archer passed him, catching on to Oliver's relieved and grateful face, before he reached forwards to squeeze his girlfriend's hand, murmuring, "See you later, baby." He pecked her on the lips before heading towards the door as well.

Oliver was waiting for him in the stairwell. "Thank you for rescuing me," he told Lance seriously.

"Yeah, well. You seem to have this problem with saying no to Donna, so I had to get you out of there before you let her plan the entire wedding without Felicity having her say."

"So is there actually a meeting with the police chief or...?"

"Nah, made that up. Us men have got to stick together when it comes to the Smoak women," the captain smirked, leading them down the stairs to where his police cruiser was parked out front. "You looked like you were about to tear your hair out if you had to talk about flowers or the bows wrapping them for another minute."

"I think I contemplated parkour-ing out of there seven separate times today," Oliver replied, running a hand over his face. "I love Donna, I really do. She's a wonderful person, and a great mother to Felicity... But she and Thea are a force of nature when it comes to wedding planning. I'd prefer taking on a group of Mirakuru soldiers than trying to argue with those two on the style of napkins we need for the reception."

Lance unlocked his car and clambered into the driver's seat while Olive slid into the passenger's. "Yeah, it's your funeral, kid. That's what you get for letting two fashion ninjas take control over your wedding." He stuck the car into gear and pulled out onto the road. "At least you can get a breather for a few hours. You owe me."

Oliver shrugged. "Let's say we're even."

"I owed you before?"

"For nearly killing me and my team last year." When Lance glanced sideways at him, slightly confused, Oliver reminded him, "'Shoot to kill' ringing any bells?"

"Ah." Oliver was referring to when Lance and his force had conducted a vicious man hunt across the city, in which the Arrow and his team had been mercilessly chased down and shot at. "Yeah. That - that rings a bell. Faintly. Light tinkling at the back of my mind."

"And Roy."

Lance side eyed him, hands tightening on the steering wheel as a pang of guilt shot through him. "So what, we're playing the blame game now? Because I'm pretty sure I could name quite a few things you're to blame for in my life and in his city, Oliver."

"God, _no_ , I didn't mean -" Oliver balled his hands into fists and sighed heavily. "I'm sorry. It's wrong of me to even suggest that you're to blame for everything that happened last year when I know damn well that it was my fault."

"I could write a list of reasons on why you're wrong about that," Lance huffed. But he dropped the subject, because he could sense some tension brewing between them. They drove in comfortable silence for a few minutes before the captain questioned, "Want to go hide out in the Lair or at the station?"

"The Lair, that way Donna can't sweep in and pick me up for another tux fitting." Oliver shot him a look. "You are aware there's gonna be a point at which you're going to have to have a suit fitting as well. Being father of the bride and walking Felicity down the aisle and all."

" _What_?"

"Oh, Felicity hasn't asked you yet. My bad. Forget I said that."

"Wait, Felicity wants me to walk her down the aisle?" Lance demanded. "I thought I was lucky to make the guest list to be honest, and you want me to - Wait, am I going to have to make a speech? Because I'm awful at speeches."

Oliver shook his head. "I wasn't meant to tell you. You'll have to act shocked and delighted when Felicity asks you, okay?" He paused, before adding, "And you're not awful at speeches. You do great at press conferences. Don't be surprised if John comes and asks you for public speaking advice. He's killing himself over this best man speech business."

Lance rolled his eyes. "He'll do fine. Everybody'll be too busy laughing at his stories about you to think about whether or not he's projecting his voice far enough or his back's straight. Bet as your bodyguard Diggle's got some good blackmail on you."

"I think he'll mostly be telling stories about how head over heels I was with Felicity," Oliver's lips quirked upwards. "Only ones he can really tell, if our guest list's expanded to people outside our inner circle who know about our night jobs, unless we want to risk having our vigilante personas exposed. Traffic light's green."

Glancing upwards and seeing Oliver was right, the captain hit the accelerator again. "We're going to have to go out for a beer or something, you know. I'm probably the only one on your team who doesn't know everything about what happened on Lian Yu and during your first year back."

Oliver shook his head. "Only person who knows everything that happened to me during my five years away is me. Felicity knows a lot, but not everything. John, Laurel and Thea know snippets. It's not something I like talking about."

He swallowed and asked, "What if I wanted to know what happened on Lian Yu with Sara?"

"I'd have to talk to Sara about that."

"Come on, Oliver. I'm her father."

"And she and I agreed that we wouldn't tell anybody what happened to us there," Oliver shot him a warning look, telling him he should back off the issue. "I'll discuss it with her when she's next in Star. If she says yes, we'll have a coffee date with the whole team or something, explain what happened. For now, just take my word for it, it wasn't good. Sara and I suffered a lot there."

"Why? Was it something about being tortur -" He cut off when Oliver glowered fiercely at him, muttering, "Alright, alright, geez. No need to pin the Arrow glare on me."

Oliver sat calmly, gazing out of the window for a few minutes before he turned to Lance and questioned curiously, "Does it bother you that one day you could potentially be calling me your son-in-law?"

Lance closed his eyes. "Don't remind me, Oliver. When you were dating Laurel I dreaded the idea, and then Sara went with you on that boat and -" He caught himself, going on softly, "It used to bother me, yes. A hell of a lot. But that was when I thought you were some selfish, manipulative douche. When I thought you were a rich playboy sleeping around with no respect for women."

"And now?"

"Now, I know that you're not. I know you're a good man, with a good heart with good intentions, I know you risk your life to keep the people you love and this city safe, on a daily basis. So now, no, it doesn't bother me. But don't expect me around for a family dinner once a week. I doubt either you or Felicity can even make a pancake, so I won't be missing much."

"I can cook," Oliver butt in, sounding a little affronted. "I can cook _well_."

"I'll believe that once you've proved it."

"You eat the leftovers in the Lair's fridge, right?"

"Sometimes, yeah."

"Then I've already proved it to you," Oliver lifted his head smugly. "All of the food in there is left over food from when I cook dinner for the team. We get together every Thursday evening at the Loft, watch TV, play games and stuff. I cook enough to feed an army." He shrugged. "You should come some time."

"Huh." Truth be told, Lance was impressed. "Thanks for the invite. We'll see." He pulled up in front of Oliver's mayor's office, deciding it would probably be safer to park outside on the curb than risk the secret garage entrance of the Lair being discovered. "We're here."

"Yes, we are," Oliver agreed, unclipping his seatbelt, but then he froze. "Oh no."

"What?" Lance automatically reached for his gun.

Oliver pointed at the blue Prius parked two cars down from them. "That's Curtis Holt's car."

"And that's bad, because...?"

"Oh, it's not bad. It just means Felicity's here." Oliver slipped out of the car and stretched his arms out, joining the captain on the curb as he stepped out as well. "Which is not bad at all, but if she finds out that I ran out on her mom when I was meant to be wedding planning with her, she'll be mad."

"And we do not want a mad Felicity," Lance finished that train of thought. "Isn't there a secret side entrance or something?"

"Sure, but opening it activates an alert on Felicity's phone and pulls up a live feed for her." Oliver sighed. "We'll have to face her wrath."

" _You'll_ have to face her wrath," Lance corrected with a smirk. "She isn't going to be mad at me."

"You're not going to support me on this?"

"Nope."

Oliver shot him something that could have counted as puppy dog eyes. "But she won't understand how much I was suffering unless you tell her."

"You're on your own, kid," Lance laughed, entering the office and throwing a wave to Thea, who beamed back.

Oliver was hanging back slightly, sulking, so Lance went ahead and let himself inside of his office. Felicity and Curtis were already in there, Felicity sitting in Oliver's desk chair and spinning around idly while her employee was doing something with a screwdriver to her wheelchair, tongue sticking out of his mouth. Felicity stopped swivelling and lit up on seeing him, which made him smile. While he had considered Felicity a daughter before, it was becoming more and more likely that she was actually going to end up being one legally, the more time Lance spent with the blonde hacker's mother.

When Oliver entered, Felicity's smile dropped and she crossed her arms, raising one eyebrow, Oliver quickly directed his attention to Curtis, greeting him cheerfully, "Hi Curtis. What're you doing to Felicity's chair?"

"What Curtis is doing to Felicity's chair is not something you should be worrying about at the moment," Felicity cut in, shooting him a look that had the archer wincing.

"Does she always talk about herself in third person?" Lance questioned Oliver out of the corner of his mouth.

"It's kind of hilarious you're asking him that, he's the one I picked it up from," Felicity said. "So, did you get the tie?"

"Tie?" Oliver looked confused. "What tie?"

Lance face palmed.

"The bow tie my mother sent you out to test with Captain Lance for our wedding, Oliver," Felicity said, tapping her fingers against her arms now as she began twisting around on the chair again.

"Oh." Oliver's eyes widened in realisation. " _That_ tie."

"Yes, that tie." Lance started to chuckle, but then a Felicity said sharply, "Oh, don't think you're off the hook too, Mr Lance." He swallowed his laugh with a gulp, shooting Oliver a look. "I asked you to do one thing, Oliver. _One_ thing."

"Technically you didn't really ask -"

" _Oliver._ "

"...Yes?"

"We have a perfectly good couch you can sleep on tonight if you continue to back chat me."

"...Yes, Felicity," he mumbled, shuffling on his feet like a five year old about to be scolded.

"What did I ask you to do, Oliver?"

Guilty, the archer muttered, "...You asked me to help your mom with the wedding plans." He was quick to add defensively, "And I did! We talked about the guest list and the themes and the flowers and everything -"

"Did you test out a bow tie like my mom asked you to?"

"...No. How do you even know this?"

"Because my mom is not stupid, Oliver. Or should I be saying, Mr Lance. She called me minutes after you left. My mom knows my calendar and Oliver's off my heart so she can arrange fittings and testers without them clashing with anything. She knows that there's no meeting with the chief. She also has a sense for when men are lying. And she said you -" She glared at Lance and he took a step back, " - were lying. You know what Mom also has?"

"An amazing daughter and an incredible sense of style?" Lance tried hopefully.

"For you," Felicity pointed to Lance, "And these are her words that have traumatised me for life; she has the power withhold fantastic sex." Lance's eyes widened as Oliver covered his face with his hands. Curtis glanced up from where he was fiddling with Felicity's wheelchair incredulously. "And for you," she pointed at Oliver, "She has a daughter who also has the power to withhold sex." She crossed her arms. "Now, Oliver, you and Mr Lance better not come back here until you have found the best, most beautiful bow tie I have ever seen in my life, for our wedding, otherwise Mom and I will use that power over you both to -"

" - Withhold sex, yes, as the awkward non-family member in the room, _please_ , can you stop saying that?" Curtis pleaded, looking like he had been traumatised for life.

"I think that speaks for all of us, actually," Lance said.

"Go!" Felicity pointed at the door.

Lance and Oliver scarpered out of the office with their tails between their legs and didn't stop until they clambered into Lance's police cruiser, pulled out into the street and began driving towards the shopping district. It was only when they found an appropriate men's suits and accessories shop did they park and sit in frigid silence for a minute.

"Smoak women are scary," Oliver eventually said.

"Yeah."

"Let's get a bow tie."

"Yeah, let's get two. Maybe three."

"Good idea."

* * *

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Please leave kudos and comment :)


End file.
